Monday, June 4, 2012

Mama Meltdowns

I've been meaning to write about this for a while but for some reason being pregnant has made me feel like I have no extra time. Maybe it's those two hour naps that seem to happen everyday. Oops!

All  the extra hormones when you're pregnant make for an interesting time. I'm sure Jered would be the best one to recount all the crazy things I've said, done or flew off the handle for. The funniest and most recent happened in Franklin, TN when I was visiting Jered's parents.. Jayme was hosting a Stella & Dot for me on Saturday. I dont remember exactly why, but time got away from us and it was about an hour  before the party was to begin. Ela really needed to take a nap and was a major grumps. Jayme needed fresh flowers and a dessert so I volunteered to go to Costo for her, secretly hoping Ela would fall asleep and make my life easier. I wasnt thinking clearly because I had been having issues with my debit card. My bank had just sent me a new one and had promised my same pin would work. If not, all I had to do was call a number and reset it. Easy breezy. I really wasnt thinking because I didnt get a cart. I guess I forgot that everything at Costco is twice is the size of anything normal. And that the bakery was at the blooming back of the store. Ela and I very slowly made our way back there and I found some really delicious looking raspberry treats. They were in a huge box so I carried that and held on to Ela's hand. She being a curious little toddler (hence her nickname monkey) wanted to inspect everything. We were in a hurry and so I had to pick all 30-pounds of her up. I am balancing her and the huge treats, all while fighting through the Saturday Costco crowd. We get to the flowers and I find a beautiful bunch. I am feeling very excited because I have a yummy treat and amazing flowers. We've done good.

I stand in line holding the giant bunch of flowers, enormous box of treats and my 30-pound darling daughter. It's finally our turn and time is running out. I run my card through and beep declined. I try again, and again it doesnt work. At Costco you cant run it as credit so I am thoroughly screwed. We dont use our credit cards and therefore I dont carry one. I literally was out of luck. I ask the cashier to hold my purchases while I step to the side to try and fix my card. She looks thrilled. I dial the number on the card as previously instructed. It is an automated system and keeps telling me I already have a pin and the one I am entertaining is invalid. Press zero to speak to a customer service rep. I am still holding Ela at this point and pushing a hundred buttons of verification. Please verify this and that and your mother's freaking weight! I am getting really upset. I finally push zero to speak to some poor unfortunate soul who really should have not picked up my call. I am already really mad and she makes me verify all my info again. I rudely inform her I have already done this at least ten times, I would imagine you should know it is me by now. She asks what the problem is and I tell her. I also tell her I have been having issues have this bank for over a month now and am beyond upset. She apologizes and then tells me there is nothing she can do. She cant reset a PIN, only the main bank can do that and they are closed for the weekend. As she is saying this, I am watching a group of young boys picking blooms off my flowers. And no one is stopping them. I loose it. I literally start screaming at her. People are staring at me. I am still holding Ela at this point and by now, they've put away my picked apart flowers and sad little treats. I hang up on the women and storm out. I get in the car and start sobbing. I call Jered and scare him to death because I can hardly speak I am so upset. He promises to fix it when he got back to the house. He was out playing golf with his dad and brother. I sob the whole way home and am still crying when I come inside. I think I scared Jayme too because like any normal person, when someone is crying as hard as I an, something very bad has happened. Not just you couldnt purchase flowers and a treat. She gives me a big hug and we end up using Jered's birthday cheesecake for dessert.

It ended up being a wonderful afternoon. Ela never went to sleep in the car (of course!) and scowled at everyone who came over. She finally passed out on me and I laid her down. She woke up a very happy social little butterfly.

The moral of the story is, dont turn off a debit card of a pregnant women. Unless you want to really hear about it.


  1. I love your stories! I get so sick of syrupy mom blogs (though its my fault for reading them!) you are so real and hilarious. Forego the naps, its not like you are pregnant and have a one year old, and write everyday :)

  2. That. Is. HILARIOUS. Poor Lauren :( But at least you can laugh at yourself

  3. Haha! I can see you now! Keep writing the funny ones!