I have to admit, I have been a little spoiled. I was blessed to have my sister, Mary, live with us for a year to be Gabriela's nanny. She did a wonderful job and Ela is smarter, happier and more advanced because of the one on one care she gave her. I also was happy because I never went anywhere alone with just Ela and I. We always had either Jered or Mary with us.
Now that I have left my job and am staying at home with Ela, I have taken over all the grocery shopping and errand running. Alone. Ela and I had our first trip by ourselves to Whole Foods last week. She slept the whole way there and was still asleep when we arrived. I didnt need much so I just got out her stroller so she could continue her nap. I got the few things I needed, balancing a basket and the stroller. I managed not to run anyone over or nip any heels. As I was checking out I realized I wasnt going to be able to get the bags and the baby to the car alone. I hate asking for help, especially for two paper bags, but I was going to have to. Whole Foods was packed and I get anxiety if I am the reason people behind me have to wait. As the cashier was ringing up my purchases, he asked if I would need help to the car. I said yes, I was sorry to bother someone with so few bags but I couldnt do it alone with the stroller. He said no problem and began shouting to the other cashier to page someone as I need assistance to the car. Everyone in line was staring at me and I was starting to sweat because this was taking forever! It felt like it had been half and hour and we were still waiting on this magical person to take my stupid two little bags to the car. Why didnt I just move and let the other people go while we waited? He was just standing there staring at me, like I should do something. Finally, I looked at the cashier and grabbed the two bags. I managed to knock over his keyboard with the bags in the process and all his pens and the keyboard went flying with a loud crash. The bags were not heavy and I could do it I told him as he was scrambling around trying to put his computer back together. He just looked at me and said, can you accept the amount? This whole time that was all he was waiting for. Me to press a button! Seriously, why didn't he just say so! As I am struggling to hold on to the bags and get my stroller out of the way, another Whole Foods associate comes up and asks who needed help. The cashier points to me and I meekly hand him my bags and walk out. Tail between my legs.
This week it was grocery shopping time again. This time I was prepared. I had made out my menu, made out my grocery list and checked all my coupons on my Kroger plus card. I print out the list of coupons and suck it in the diaper bag. I was so proud of myself at this point for being so organized. I get Ela and myself ready, get my grocery bags and the grocery cart cover and load it all in the car. I am already tired! We get to Kroger and I balance the baby, all my shopping bags , the diaper bag and the cart cover. We get inside and it takes me another hour just to get the stupid cart cover on with one hand. I cant put Ela because she will run off and that defeats the purpose of even having the cart cover. Without her, I dont even need it. I finally get it on the cart and buckle her in. I go to pull out my long grocery list and then realize, I have left it on the fridge. I know I cant remember everything on it as I was planning on trying some new recipes. Oh well, I will just get what I can remember and use my coupon list for everything else. I look down at that and see only two coupons listed. It hits me I didnt load the dang coupons to the card. You have to not only select them, you have to hit load to card.This is the point I should have just gone back home and started over but it was such an ordeal getting to this point I decided to forge ahead. I have a blackberry so I figured I could load the coupons from my phone, they were already selected it was just one push of a button. I grab a few things I need and go to the back of the store out of the way to load the coupons. Ela had found her small bowl of organic cheerios and wanted some. I handed her the bowl and turned my focus to my phone. I cant get it to work and it is so frustrating. I hear a funny noise and look up. Ela's face is bright red and there are tears streaming from her eyes. She is choking. My daughter is choking right in front of me and I dont even notice. At this point she had worked up the cheerio and let out a gasp. I grabbed her up and patted her back as she gasped in air. I gave her almond milk and rubbed her back. I really hoped no one else witnessed that. I was about to start crying. I gave up on loading the stupid coupons. At this point, I just wanted to go home. Get a mulligan and start over. I took a deep breath, gave Ela a kiss and begged her forgiveness. She was perfectly okay and as any new mom does, I overreact to everything involving her well being. That may never change. We finished shopping and managed to save over $26 without coupons. Kroger has a tiny organic section for produce so I will still have to go to Whole Foods for that. All in all, minus the choking incident, I came out okay.
I am so thankful to be able to be at home all day with Ela. We have had so much fun learning how to cope with the smalls things, just the two of us. I know most people go to the store alone with their five kids so I must sound silly with my stories of mishaps with just one but I think being able to laugh at yourself is so important. I am never going to be perfect, and I do forget my list the majority of the time, but it's ok. I gave up on being perfect a long time ago. I would much rather enjoy this wonderful life, beautiful daughter and family that I have been blessed with. There is beauty in the chaos.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Sunday, September 25, 2011
There are no mulligans in parenting
It has only taking us 10 months to really learn what parenting style fit our family. We read so many great books and took many helpful tips from them. We've also been very interested in reading about other cultures and how they raise their infants as well. Other cultures do things so differently, it has been fascinating to see the differences. We have learned one big concept through this whole journey- there is no right answer that is going to work for everyone. Each family has to find what works for them and each individual child.
The hardest thing about being a new parent for me is filtering all the advice that is constantly coming in from caring family or friends. And sometimes even strangers in the grocery store. A friend warned me of this when I was pregnant. She said, "you are going to have to just filter it all out and find what works for you. Learn to ignore" This turned out to be very good advice but was a lot harder then I thought! There are so many unknowns and SO much advice. It's hard for a people pleaser like me to weed it all out. I felt guilty when I didn't do exactly what the books said, especially when it came to schedules.
I am not an organized scheduled person. I am more of a last minute oh crap I have to be out the door in five minutes and am still in my sweats kinda person. I tried over and over again to get Ela on a schedule because I thought that was the only way. It was a consent battle. Ela would fight it and we would give up. I felt guilty all the time, like I was a failure. It made bedtime a nightmare. Jered and I would end up yelling at each other over a screaming baby. It finally hit me that this isnt working for my child. We went on more relaxed approach and made bedtime more flexible. It made for a much happier family. God gave us mommas an intuition and I am finally learning how to listen to mine. There was an article I would recommend called "Baby Led Schedules". This pretty much summed up our parenting style we have learned to embrace. You can read it http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-led-baby-schedules-sears-spock-and-others_3658355.bc?page=1 and take away what you will from it. I took away was for parents wanting to implement this style of parenting, it is all about the baby. It's picking up cues from Ela on how to meet her needs. If she is tired, we lay her down for a nap, it's not at the same time each day though. I have learned for her, if I force her to go take a nap at the same time every day it's a battle. And I battle I dont want to fight. If I just wait one hour, she's now tired and will go right to sleep. If she's hungry, she is nursed or given food. If she isnt tired and it's 9 pm at night, we play even harder until she is tried. I am not tired at the same time every night, why would Ela be? It's not the easiest brand of parenting but what brand is?
One of the biggest positives of the Baby Scheduled Parenting is I dont have to plan everything around her naps and bedtime. When we were in NYC she took her naps in stroller. She would feel asleep when she was tired in the middle of one of the noisiest cities and sleep for hours. One night she went to bed in her stroller on top of the Empire State Building. When we got back to the hotel, I just laid her down in her pack and play and she slept the night away. This works for our on the go lifestyle. That's another reason I LOVE breastfeeding and encourage everyone mom to do it if they can. We can just plop down on a bench and nurse. We dont have to mess around with warming up a bottle. It's so fast and easy! And the bonding time we get together is so special.
I hope each new parents finds their voices and parenting styles quickly. I have learned through this process not to be judgmental of others parenting styles because each child and family is so different. I do hate Ela was our test subject but I think more so then that, I hate I didn't embrace what I felt was right for her because of others options.. Being a new parent is hard! I am no expert, I learn something new every single day. And it's a little scary, because it is kinda a big deal to raise another human. It takes a lot of prayers, grace and learning. There's no mulligans in parenting.
What should a 4 year old know?
Thought this was such a good article.
What should a 4 year old know?
I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.
Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.
It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.
So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.
She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.
But more important, here’s what parents need to know.
That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.
That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.
What should a 4 year old know?
I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.
Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.
It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.
So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.
She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.
But more important, here’s what parents need to know.
That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.
That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.
Monday, July 11, 2011
The Idle Life.
We just got home from a week at Aylen Lake in Ontario Canada. Gabriela’s middle name is Aylen if that tells you anything. It is my favorite place in the world. Our busy lives just stop and time stands still. No email, television, x-box or blackberries. It is as though we have traveled back in time. We pass the days down at the dock, swimming, sunning, reading or taking the kayak out for a spin. There are no errands to run, no pressing appointments and no dings interrupting dinner.
Dinner is one of my favorite times of day. The whole family gathers around our large round table. The food is always delicious, maybe more so because we are so hungry from being outside all day and my mom is a wonderful chef. We just talk, eat and drink a little wine. Sometimes more than a little. Once dinner is finished, we have to wash dishes the old fashioned way. Sometimes it’s not so bad, the conversation is good and it’s almost enjoyable to scrub away.
After dinner, we will sit around and play cards. Usually contract rummy. Always contract rummy. Once the night is over, we climb into bed. It is freezing cold compared to the warm days and feels so good to snuggle under the covers. I confess, I even pulled Gabriela out of her cold crib so she could snuggle between Jered and I. She is the best snuggler. This year, we stayed in Mom and Dad’s room so we could have easy access to Gabriela’s pack and play for naps. The sunrise is early, around 6am and is so bright it woke me up every morning. I didn’t complain though. Watching the sunrise over the lake first thing in the morning just makes me want to praise God for His wonderful creation. I would crawl back under the covers and go back to sleep. Once I woke up for good, I grab a cup of coffee, a baby and some toys. Down at the dock mom and dad are doing their devotions. Ela sits on the dock in the warm sun and plays. There is no rushing to get dressed and everyone fed so I get to work. It is just peace and relaxation. No schedules, no plans. My kind of vacation.
To me Aylen is more than a vacation, it is a way of life. It reminds to make my life simple. To make sure I leave room on our calendar just to be. I want Ela to remember her childhood as tea parties, waterlogged days from swimming all day, buzzy worms and a lot of laugher. We need time to just be a family and every summer Alyen reminds me to schedule in more time to do absolutely nothing.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Little crawler
Gabriela starting scootching around a few weeks ago. She is very mobile. If I turn around for one second, she will be into something! I have a feeling i am in for it as she grows up. We had a large gate we propped up under the bar for the dogs at night. She loved to go over to it and try to bring it down on top of her. We packed that up and right away she went to the second smaller gate we had propped near the stairs! What a smart 8-month old.
We flew for the first time last week and it was an adventure. The Atlanta airport is so huge it is always a hassle trying to find your gate. We got through security okay, we've found everyone is nicer when there is a cute baby involved. We made it on the train and finally got to our gate. Once we had boarded the plane we did everything we could to keep Ela awake. Once the plane starting taking off, i started to nurse and she fell right asleep. She slept the entire trip until we landed. Whew! On the way home she made friends with the ladies behind us and pretty much everyone on the entire plane. She is such a social girl, unless you try to take her away from mommy. She is a great traveler.
We flew for the first time last week and it was an adventure. The Atlanta airport is so huge it is always a hassle trying to find your gate. We got through security okay, we've found everyone is nicer when there is a cute baby involved. We made it on the train and finally got to our gate. Once we had boarded the plane we did everything we could to keep Ela awake. Once the plane starting taking off, i started to nurse and she fell right asleep. She slept the entire trip until we landed. Whew! On the way home she made friends with the ladies behind us and pretty much everyone on the entire plane. She is such a social girl, unless you try to take her away from mommy. She is a great traveler.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
my heart
Admits all the dirty laundry, dishes and winter clothes that need packed I just found peace in the chaos. I currently have the most beautiful little girl sleeping on my chest. My heart is so full of utter contentment I wish I could freeze time. My clothes won't pack themselves but they can wait along with all my other household duties. Right now I have a more important job. And unlike my chores, this can't wait. Unlike dirty laundry, this won't be around forever. I'm afraid I'm going to blink and there will be a five year old standing in front of me.
So for the next few minutes I will be ignoring all my duties and enjoy the best part of being a mommy.
So for the next few minutes I will be ignoring all my duties and enjoy the best part of being a mommy.
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